Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Be still, my beating vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
