That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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