Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
