Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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