just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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