i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
