i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Two words: nipple clamps
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