i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
