On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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