I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
