Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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