Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
