Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
