i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
