I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
