Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
