The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
