I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
