conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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