Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
