went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
