mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The Olympian is in my bed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
