yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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