I think my fart just growled at me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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