If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
