HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
