I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
