remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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