He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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