My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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