you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
