Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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