the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize