I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
