I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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