I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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