Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
