Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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