Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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