so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
