If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
