The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
