Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
