i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
