No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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