even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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