Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
