Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
