I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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