you guys were way drunker than both of me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
