Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
