im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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