also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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