I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
