Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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