using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
