After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize