So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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