TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
