so that wasnt chicken after all
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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