who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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