my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he was CRYING into my vagina
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
