i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
