I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
