This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
