you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
