In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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