So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
