I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
