did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
