please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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