im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
