You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
