I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
