That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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