I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
