and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
