Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
