Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
