so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
