Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
