i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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