Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
