So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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