Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
