I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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