this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
