is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
