I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize