I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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