I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
