Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
