Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have demons in me.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
