Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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