I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
