How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
