Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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