he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize