I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
