So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
