I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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