you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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