her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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