You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We need to get me chipped asap
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
