Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
