God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
