so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize