Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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