I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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