Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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