He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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