Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
