Already got asked if we're dating
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
